|Several years ago I weighed myself dozens of times a day.|
So imagine my surprise when I weighed myself yesterday and I am at my goal weight! (The whole truth is, I am 0.1 lbs. away, but that is close enough.) I have finally lost the pesky 2 lbs.!
I immediately ran to the bathroom mirror to see how great I look. I stood there for a moment looking over every inch of me. I didn't look any different. I didn't feel any different. My clothes did not fit much different.
That was disappointing. I have not been this light since I trained for and finished my first marathon in 2000.
The actual weight loss is a puzzle to me. I have not been exercising more. I have not been eating healthier. In fact, I've been over-worked, over-stressed, eating tons of junk and not getting in my weekly mileage. I didn't earn this.
Then a light bulb went off. I should have known this all along, but it was never as obvious as it was at that exact moment. Weight is JUST a NUMBER.
The reason I don't look healthier and stronger is because I'm not. I'm just 2 lbs. lighter and it's because I am NOT taking care of myself.
Those of you who have healthy body images and are not weight obsessive know this already. But to someone like me, who has suffered from body dysmorphic disorder (self diagnosed) most of my life and even had to get rid of our scale for a number of years because I weighed myself dozens of times a day -- this is a major breakthrough!
So last night I was talking to my husband about reaching my goal weight and not looking better, etc., and he said, "Your next goal should be to develop upper body strength."
Again he is right. Now that I am no longer obsessed about my weight (within reason), I should go back to thinking about just being healthier and stronger. I'll start working on that Monday.